don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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