what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
