guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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