The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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