is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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