So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
