Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
