Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
