PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
