I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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