i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
