What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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