I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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