see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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