I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
