When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
