He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize