His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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