bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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