Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
