I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
