And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
