I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
