whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
