Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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