i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
