I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
