member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
BRING THE BAGELS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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