I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
