Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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