Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
