youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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