I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
