it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
