does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
