I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
