I think im going to throw up on grandma
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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