wat bout pragnant strippers??
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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