woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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