this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
