you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
