Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
