is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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