ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
