In the future we'll all be gay
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
