dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
