So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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