Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
