What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
