There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
