i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
